Saturday mornings are my time. I get up and I make my coffee, turn on the food network channel, feed the three dogs, fire up my computer and immediately check facebook and two of my three emails. I spend about a mindless hour on facebook while I'm tevo'ing the food network channel hoping to find something inspiring to cook for my family that week. This morning was cut short when Phil came out of the bedroom about an hour earlier than usual with his eyes barely open. He headed straight for "his" chair. He was in pain and in a lot of it. He couldn't sit still. He couldn't really pin point where it was coming from, he just knew that he was miserable and it was unbearable. I immediately went to my purse and pulled out the card from Dr. Davis's office that I had picked up on Thursday afternoon. I called the answering service with a panic and told them that I needed to speak with Dr. Davis. About five minutes later, I received a call from the doctor that was on call from the Texas Oncology group and I started trying to explain the best I could what Phil's symptoms were. He stopped me and said, "it sounds like your husband is in a lot of pain so I suggest you get him to the emergency room right away". Remember, this was Saturday morning. I had not combed my hair, brushed my teeth and I was still in my pajamas. I said, "yes sir" and hung up the phone. I told Phil what Dr. Anderson, the physician on call had said and he started putting on his clothes the best he could. I splashed some water on my face, pulled on a pair of jeans and threw on a top, combed my hair, put on some eyeliner, lipstick and slid into a pair of flats and off we went to the Baylor Grapevine Emergency Room.
There at the Emergency Room, I dropped Phil off at the front and I went and parked. By the time I got in there Phil was already sitting in the assessment area and they were taking his vitals. They soon had him in a room where he could lay down. When Phil is in pain his feet move 90 miles an hour and almost rip through the sheets, his feet were moving. It seemed like everyone was moving in movie slow motion and it's just never fast enough for my liking. But you have to smile and be nice and act like everybody is wonderful so they will be nice to you. I know, I'm showing my human side here. It's hard to be nice when your husband is in horrible pain and they are taking their sweet time walking at a slow pace in and out of the door. You want to see them as panicked as you are and running with sweat on their brow. I'm just sayin! Anyway within the hour they had him hooked up to some strong pain medication. He has had so many differnt kinds of pain medications since then I can't remember what he initially had. It's amazing how quickly his pain is relieved once they put in the i.v. and it drips through his veins. I am thankful for modern medicine and insurance more than I ever have been in my life.
They came in and took what seemed to be a gallon of blood for testing. Well, here is where life gets real. I had a National Sales Meeting that I had to attend the next week in Mesa, AZ. Now I had emailed my boss and told him of the initial diagnosis and he had told me hands down, that I should do whatever I needed to do and family came first. Wonderful news, wonderful guy. Seeing that the following Wednesday was when I really wanted to be with hubby to get the news of the final diagnosis, I was going to try to fly out on Monday and return in time to go to the doctor with him. So, I had scheduled a hair appointment. I am 53 and I have gray hair and it grows out in what my girls call my halo. That's because I am such an angel, NOT! Anyway, my halo was approaching about 1/2 inch around my face and I really needed to go and get my hair done and I had this appointment scheduled for a couple of weeks and you just don't cancel on a Saturday. I was in a dilemma. My hubby was now sedated, I knew it was going to be hours of waiting in the emergency room for the test results because NOTHING EVER happens fast in the hospital unless you are dying or bleeding. I called my sweet daughter Tara and asked if she could come up to the hospital. I know some of you are thinking, "what was she thinking?". Well, I'll tell you what I was thinking. I knew that if I didn't do it then, it wasn't going to get done for a long time and this was a window of opportunity and I have found now that I have to use those every time they come along. I gathered my purse, made sure hubby was comfy and I passed my sweet daughter in the parking lot and off I went. I got to the salon and I started telling my hair dresser what was going on and the tears just flowed down my cheeks the entire time I was there. I didn't boo hoo, I just released. I hadn't cried yet, just seeped. I was back within an hour and a half.
When I got back to the hospital, of course he was still in the emergency room and the doctor came in and said, "we are preparing a room for you". I seeped again. I was so relieved. I had not slept in several nights because Phil had been in pain and had tossed and turned and paced and since the diagnosis, I was on pins and needles. I wanted him in a place where I knew they could help him with his pain. Pain is a new word and a new world that we would wrestle with and learn to deal with on a minute to minute basis over the next couple of months. It rules every thought, every action, every minute and consumes you. I don't know how people deal with it that don't have medication. I know it was hard on hubby but it was hard on me too, because watching someone you love be in that much pain is, well, it hurts your heart like nothing else can because you are helpless.
We were placed in a room directly across from the nurses station and they immediately started him on chemo. I was shocked to see a big yellow sign on the door that said, "DANGER TOXIC CHEMICALS" meaning that chemo was being administered. Holy Toledo! Danger? This stuff was being put in my husbands body? And I'm in here with him? We are toxic? What is this? Why are we here and how did we get to this place and so darn fast? I just didn't get it and I was so so so tired. If I was tired, I know hubby was tired. We had a chatty nurse, nice but very chatty and while she was getting Phil as hooked up and ready for the night, I was making my bed as comfy as I could. The lights couldn't go off fast enough for me. I kissed hubby goodnight and my head hit the semi-soft foam'ish couch/bed and I was out! People came and went all night long but I didn't wake up once until 7:30 the next morning. Hubby said I even snored. Now that's tired!
Sunday morning Phil was feeling pretty good with the morphine and the attention he was getting. For those of you that know him, you know he loves a good conversation and loves to find out what your background is, what your family history is, where the origin of your last name is from, etc. Me, not so much. I was ready to go home, get showered and cleaned up because remember, I had to leave Saturday morning without showering so I was living in a two day skin suit that had not been bathed. I had my hair washed but I don't do well when I don't have a chance to shower. So off I went.
Before I could get back, I had friends calling me telling me that they were waiting at the hospital but didn't want to go in the room because Phil was asleep. Wow, friends Stephanie and Todd from Ft. Worth had driven all the way over with the most beautiful flowers (that lasted almost the length of his stay by the way) and were there before anyone else. That meant the world to me. I got there and we tip toed into the room and woke Phil up. He was pretty worn out. Later that evening we had more friends, Steve and Debbie, Tim, our daughters Erin, Aubrie & Tara and that just about did him in. After a couple of hours of visiting it was time to tuck away for the night.
Phil was so jealous of my bed semi-foam couch/bed from the night before that he asked if he could sleep there, so I made it up for him and I kissed him goodnight and he sent me home. After I left he took his i.v. pole and rolled it to the other side of the room and went to sleep on the couch. He neglected to tell the nurses of his plan and when they came to check on him during the night, they got very upset at first because they thought he was MIA. They couldn't see him but turned on the lights and found him sleeping soundly on the couch. There was only one problem. Phil is what I call a thrasher. He does not move timidly he has large moves so he inadvertently pulled his i.v. out in the middle of the night and there was blood everywhere when he woke up the next morning. This was the beginning of a very long and very interesting hospital stay.
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