A month doesn't seem very long but for someone waiting for their life to end and begin again, each moment seems to drag and each day turns into an eternity at times. Waiting for the stems cells to renew themselves somewhere in a frozen tundra deep in the caves of Baylor Sammons somewhere is a process that has kept Phil in a state of what I call Casting Away. Remember the movie with Tom Hanks and his infamous soccer ball that came to life because he had no one else to talk to? Well, it's not quite that bad but Phil and his back yard have become quite intimate. It has not come to the point to where he has cut his finger and marked it with his blood like Tom did to put a face on his soccer ball named Wilson but he has put his blood sweat and tears into each intimate detail of every corner.
Let me just take a moment to honor his Japanese Maple Tree. This tree has been his pride and joy for three years now. He has watched it and loved it dearly and honestly, it has not grown one bit and I have wondered where all the love, more like lust was coming from and why. This year, he plotted out the perfect place for it. Sitting outside at mid-day and sunset for about a week to make sure that just the right amount of sun would bathe this delicate baby of his, he spotted the perfect location and the day finally arrived for the removal and the burial of the surprisingly small amount of roots from this Oriental delicacy. He planted it with great caution and joy and to my great surprise, it did look almost full and as if it came alive. He was pleased.
Phil has been exceptionally tired and somewhat depressed and apprehensive the last few weeks. Doubting his ability to endure and fear of what lies ahead have kept him from being able to experience any real joy within the confines of our home. He was quarantined to these four walls in order to keep him from any germs that might leap through the air and land spontaneously on his weakened body and spin him into a compromised situation which would not allow him to be in the best possible health to receive his own stem cells back. It just pretty much stinks all the way around. His appetite has been up and down. We never know if he is going to be hungry or not. The first bite usually tells us and if it's a thumbs up, then all that work put into creating a masterpiece was worth it, if not, down the sink it goes. It's easy to get discouraged during this time and chin up is not as easy as it sounds. Living it day by day, minute by minute is just dad gum hard sometimes. For both of us.
We both know that life will get better and that the corner is up ahead but getting to that corner and turning it is like after a really hard work out. The next day your muscles are so sore that you think you are gonna die so moving is really not the option you want to choose but you have to or else you will really be sore!
Phil's neuropathy is so much better so for that we are thankful so small blessings are very much appreciated along the way. Muscle fatigue in his lower back is what seems to take him down easily and it frustrates him to the point of sending him to the bed with the heating pad. Sleep seems to help and he does a lot of that lately. His white blood count is very low right now so with his weakened state and the endless waiting game, the days are sometimes excruciatingly long.
